Grid achievements

"Without a tagline since 2010"

About this page

Welcome to Aidan's webspace

The GRID is a globally distributed data analysis system for high energy physics, which stored petabytes of data and simulation. Back in the day it was quite frustrating to use, so someone created a list of achievements to make the process a bit more bearable. Thankfully things are a lot easier now.

I didn't write this. I can't remember where it came from, I'm just sharing the joy.

The achievements

1: Baptism of Fire
Run your first grid job.
2: Take The Blue Pill
Escape the sandbox.
3: Lazarus
A job reported killed still returns results.
4: I'm Doing Science And I'm Still Alive
A job resists three separate attempts to kill it.
5: Heisenjob
A job that produces both successes and at least two different error conditions on a homogenous dataset.
6: By The Numbers
Collect 50 different return codes.
7: Calculating Tea
A job that is killed for excess CPU usage.
8: Accurate Representation of Pi
A job killed for excess memory usage.
9: Divine Intervention
A job that brings you the attention of a sysadmin.
10: Self Aware
A job which adapts itself depending on which site it is running at.
11: Kicking The Puppy
A job that makes a sysadmin cry.
12: Nemesis
Your face graces a sysadmin's darts board.
13: Woodpecker
A job that crashes a worker node requiring a manual restart.
14: Redundant Array of Inexpensive Disks
A job that thrashes a hard disk to death.
15: The Only Way To Be Sure
A job that sets fire to a tape library.
16: Whom the Gods Would Destroy
Receive a expeditious response to a ticket.
17: Hammer of the Gods
Be blacklisted from one or more sites.
18: Singularity
Consume your own lifetime's worth of CPU time.
19: The Pedantry Is Strong With This One
Invoke Zeno's Paradox in relation to "Singularity".
20: Hello World
A job that sends you email.
21: Time's Arrow
A job submitted with IP over neutrino flux which returns before submission.
22: Total Recall
Every job of at least 100 succeeds and stages out.
23: The Sun Never Sets On
A task running concurrently on six continents.
24: Identity Matrix
A job that turns out to do nothing but output a copy of the input.
25: Power Overwhelming
Get root on the worker node.
26: Replicant
A job that submits other jobs.
27: Someone Set Us Up The Bomb
A job that forkbombs.
28: +1 Histogram of Hopeful Significance
Re-run at least 100 jobs to produce one extra histogram.
29: Fine Tuning Problem
Re-run at least 100 jobs to change one integer or float parameter.
30: We Have To Go Deeper
Run a job that is itself a VM on a site using VMs.
31: Sightseer
Successfully run jobs at 50 different sites.
32: Most Favoured Nation
A job submitted without restriction runs entirely within one country.
33: Love Handles
Run out of file descriptors.
34: False Advertising
Jobs die trying to find data a site claims it has.
35: We Are Legion
Have 1000 jobs running concurrently.
36: Not A Big Truck But A Series Of Tubes
A job that succeeds but times out trying to stage out the results.
37: FYI I Am A Spy
Run as someone else's VO.
38: Skynet By Any Other Name
Use the grid to plan your next move in Risk.
39: Limbo
Accomplish nothing between submitting jobs and receiving their output.
40: Alt-Tab Master
Gain at least one level between submitting jobs and receiving their output.
41: Ludicrous Speed
Jobs that really do complete successfully in the time it takes to drink a coffee.
42: Pseudorapidity
Jobs that really do complete successfully in the time it takes to drink coffee in R1 in the summer.
43: Strata
Forget to change the stage-out location and overwrite old but needed results.
44: M-M-M-Monster Kill
Successfully kill at least 100 jobs.
45: Geneva Convention
Successfully kill at least 1000 jobs.
46: Duke Nukem Forever
A job that claims to still be alive a month after submission.
47: Local Gauge Invariance
A bug that manifests itself only when run remotely.
48: Spontaneous Symmetry Breaking
A job that produces different results when run twice.
49: Cold War
Submit jobs from the US to Russia, or vice-versa.
50: Krasniy Oktyabr
Actually get any jobs back from Russia.
51: Trust Your Feelings
Submit a job using a freshly-compiled binary you haven't tested locally.
52: Scott of the Antarctic
A job that runs completely and then dies trying to save the output.
53: Dark Matter
A job that disappears without trace.
54: For Your Eyes Only
A job that fails because of badly configured file permissions.
55: The Only Winning Move
Run a grid jobs without directly using or dynamically linking to ROOT at any time.
56: The House Always Wins
Generate at least a million events of Monte-Carlo without the appropriate process turned on.
57: Lambda Complex
Plot the completion times of your jobs and calculate their half-life.
58: Higgs Mass Correction
A job that gets trapped in an infinite loop.
59: Parity Violation
A job that returns corrupted data.